40 Days And 40 Nights
by Kath
Summary: Atlantis and her inhabitants deal with the fall out from Arcturus.


Stargate Atlantis

40 Days and 40 Nights

Spoilers for the Second Season especially from Trinity and then AU to Grace Under Pressure.

Disclaimer; This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement of copyright or trademark is intended.

A/N; I've assumed that for each named episode a week passes on Atlantis and I've made some changes to the personnel in the city because I could! In my little section of the AU the Daedalus did not leave Atlantis until the end of Aurora (3 weeks from Trinity) and it was on its way back to Atlantis, rather than from it, in Critical Mass. It may not be very logical, but I wanted those characters! I hope this is an enjoyable entry in the Post-Trinity category and that there isn't one quite like this out there yet!

Author's Note on the Text; I love episodes of shows where the action is shown from different characters' perspectives. I also love 'Flashbacks' to previous events, but I do hate it when the reader is jarred out of the story by **'FLASHBACK'** in the text. In several recent fics I have experimented with softening the transition from action to flashbacks; however the experiment failed with this fic - I softened the transitions so much that readers found it too confusing. So in the interests of enhancing your enjoyment, look out for the change to first person narration; that indicates the character remembering events prior to the action in the story. Hope this helps. Regards.

It was the steady beeping of medical monitors and the dry antiseptic smell that brought him back to consciousness with a low groaning thought, '_What did I do this time?'_

He carefully stretched his fingers and toes, experimentally flexed his arms and legs; no shooting, stabbing or aching pains, all to the good; then gingerly flexed stomach muscles, bit of a twinge, but nothing shattering, which probably meant it was his precious head that was at fault, although there was no telling pounding yet. Finally he could put it off no longer and his eyelids fluttered open. And there it was; a shaft of pain straight through his eyeballs and into his cranium. But at least he knew for sure it was the infirmary, only there did he have to complain about too bright lights on recovering patients.

The groan this time was audible and it brought attention. The familiar sight of Carson Beckett was soothing even if Rodney only allowed himself a brief glimpse before closing his eyes.

"Good to see you awake, Rodney." Beckett said as he stepped up to his patient.

McKay flapped a disgruntled hand, "Lights, hurt, down."

"They're down, Rodney. How are you feeling?"

"Headache. What happened?"

"You've been out of contact for some time." Carson said carefully, "What's the last thing you remember?"

McKay thought about it for a moment; breakfast with the team in the mess hall, then John had left for a meeting with Elizabeth, Ronon had gone to beat up some Marines and Teyla had gone to help the linguists and he'd headed off to... "The lab!" Rodney gasped. "There were power fluctuations in the lab." He grabbed Carson's hand frantically, "Where's Radek? He tried to put out the fire, is he okay?"

Beckett patted McKay's hand soothingly, "Dr Zelenka is fine, Rodney. It's you we're worried about just now. What happened to you?"

McKay frowned, "Power surge, I think." He rubbed at his chest. "Yes. I was hit by an electrical charge from the console, must've blacked out." He looked around, trying to see beyond the privacy curtains. "Are you sure Radek is okay?"

Beckett smiled, "Zelenka is perfectly well, Rodney, I promise. He didn't even need treatment." Well that much was certainly true. Beckett patted his patient's shoulder. "Now, I want you to relax. I'll send the nurse in with some food and then I want you to rest."

"But the lab," Rodney protested. "We don't know what went wrong..."

"Dr Zelenka can handle the clean up until you are back on your feet. Just rest, Rodney."

McKay slumped down onto the pillows, "I guess I can wait to start the investigation..." He broke off as a sharp pain spiked in his head.

"_There will be a full investigation..."_

"Rodney?" Carson asked in concern.

McKay flapped a hand, "Just the headache, it'll pass."

"Okay then, aspirin along with breakfast." Beckett hid his concern; the old Rodney would be demanding all manner of scans by now, but this Rodney just accepted his suggested treatment.

"Had breakfast with the team this morning," the patient grumbled then his head snapped back up, "How long was I out?"

"Easy, Rodney, easy. You've been in the Infirmary only a few hours." And that too was absolutely true. "Now rest, have lunch, we'll run a few scans and have you back at work in no time, okay?"

"Okay." Rodney sighed and settled back in the bed. Something was off with Carson.

Beckett took a deep breath and made sure the privacy curtains were completely closed before gesturing to the worried group of people waiting in the Infirmary proper. Silently they trooped to Carson's cramped office and it was a tight squeeze to fit Elizabeth, John, Ronon, Teyla, Radek and himself into the space.

Typically it was Colonel Sheppard who spoke first, "How is he, Doc?"

Beckett sighed. "Physically he's exactly as he was when he was put into that contraption; dehydrated and low blood sugar. We've taken care of those with the IV and as soon as he gets some proper food in him he'll be better. He's lost weight, but again that happened before..." Beckett trailed off as he registered the winces from Elizabeth and John and Radek too, then rallied, "... the burns were almost healed anyway, I doubt if he can feel them and he has a headache, understandable. The food should help with that too, but I'll run a MRI to make sure there's no physical damage."

"And what about... what he remembers?" Teyla asked.

"As far as I can gather, it's as we surmised. The last thing he remembers is being hit by an energy surge in the lab. He mentioned a fire. He was very concerned about you, Radek," Carson nodded to Zelenka who winced again, "and he mentioned that he had breakfast with you and your team, Colonel."

Sheppard nodded slowly, "Sounds like the AR was exactly as the hologram said, but we'll need more information to be sure."

Zelenka nodded as well. "The energy surge was most likely the AR's manifestation of what we were doing with the stasis pod. If Rodney had been fully 'conscious' he might have found a way to circumvent our actions. He might still be in there."

"Aye, but he's not." Carson said. "And what are we going to tell him?"

"Well, that's the $64000 question," Sheppard grimaced. "What can we tell him?" he broke off, remembering the tensions and recriminations surrounding that thrice damned Project Arcturus...

* * *

"I have asked you all here to formalise the arrangements for the investigation into what went wrong with Project Arcturus." Elizabeth Weir looked around the conference table; at Colonel Caldwell sitting at ease, at myself out-Caldwelling Caldwell's usual ramrod straight posture, at Zelenka fidgeting...

Zelenka pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Shouldn't Dr McKay be present for this?"

"Dr McKay is confined to quarters for the remainder of the week. I have already informed him of the arrangements." Weir's voice was tightly controlled and it was clear that she would not brook any opposition to her decisions, this time. "Dr Zelenka, it is obvious that the Science Department cannot function without a Chief Science Officer during the investigation, therefore you will take the role of Acting Chief," Zelenka gaped, "however I do not expect you to run the investigation on top of that demanding role and so you will find that I have rearranged the remits for the Heads of the Science Departments; they will now have autonomous control of their own areas. They will report directly to me. Once you have finished the investigation we will re-evaluate. Will two weeks be sufficient time to conduct your investigation?"

"Dr Weir, I do not believe..." Zelenka was stuttering in nervousness.

"Will two weeks be sufficient, Doctor?"

"Um, yes, but..."

"Good. I recommend that in addition to the investigation of the science, you also include interviews with those most involved, including the military." She nodded to me and Caldwell. "I expect your full and candid cooperation in this investigation, gentlemen."

"Yes, ma'am." My acknowledgement was as crisp as any salute.

"Of course."

Caldwell's smug tone grated on Elizabeth, even I could see that. "Very well, dismissed."

I headed for the doors immediately only glancing back once. Zelenka was chattering at Elizabeth, urgently, but Weir's stony expression did not falter. I shrugged to myself; if Dr Z wanted to tackle Elizabeth now he was a braver man than I was...

* * *

"We tell him the truth." Ronon rumbled, his arms crossed.

That went down well, everyone suddenly finding their cuffs or the floor infinitely fascinating. Ronon looked at them in puzzlement. "McKay's been missing for almost three weeks; you think he won't notice as soon as he leaves the Infirmary?"

"We could keep him in isolation... No what am I saying. Of course we have to tell him the truth." Carson blinked, "But we have to do it gently." He turned to Sheppard. "John, it's clear that Rodney believes that you and he are friends. He'll be expecting you."

Sheppard sighed, "I know. I'll tell him." He rose to make his way through the crowd.

"We'll both do it." said Elizabeth.

"Are you sure?"

"It's the least I can do."

Rodney set the empty lunch tray aside with a deep sigh of satisfaction. Already he felt much better, although...

Rodney frowned and sat up. He hadn't recognized the nurse that had brought his meal. Rodney might be bad at names, but he was pretty good with faces. Perhaps she was new, but the Daedalus was not due to arrive until the end of the week... McKay winced as another bolt of pain shot through his head...

"_Perhaps you should consider returning to Earth, Doctor. Your work is too valuable to be discarded..."_

Caldwell? Why would Caldwell want him to return to Earth? Why would his work be discarded? And _when_ had he spoken to Caldwell?

Rodney looked up as the curtains parted and his confusion melted swiftly when he saw Sheppard.

"Knock, knock," John said with a grin.

"Hey," Rodney smiled, "I was beginning to get worried. What kept you?"

"Just speaking to Carson."

"Oh, everything okay?"

"You're going to be fine, Rodney. Can we come in?"

"We?" Rodney was confused again.

"It's just me, Rodney." said Weir, peering round the curtain.

"Hi, Elizabeth, sure come on in." He gestured to the seats beside his bed in invitation but he looked at John closely; after nearly two years of knowing this man he knew something was bothering his friend. Elizabeth too looked strained.

"John, what is it?" McKay asked carefully, deciding that whatever was going on John would tell him the truth.

Sheppard looked up sharply. The man that had gone in to the stasis pod had been bitter and angry and with good reason. Even before Arcturus he had been abrasive. This man was considerate and was that gentle? Sheppard didn't think Rodney McKay could do 'gentle'.

"Rodney, I need you to listen to us, okay? Don't interrupt, just listen to us."

McKay's eyebrow raised, "Bedtime story?"

"Something like that. Just listen, please?"

"Okay." Rodney nodded and pushed down his anxiety.

"You see, six weeks ago some mistakes were made. Me, you, Elizabeth... we all made some huge mistakes..."

Elizabeth sat upright in her chair. John had chosen to start the story at the end and maybe that was for the best...

* * *

No-one was looking forward to this meeting, least of all me. I was painfully aware that the position I was in today was almost exactly the position Rodney had been in three weeks ago after that fiasco with Arcturus. The only saving grace was that this time no one had died, although Rodney could have. I had nearly killed Rodney. Oh, I hadn't pulled a gun on him or poisoned him or anything like that; the new protocols that I had insisted upon had nearly killed him. I hadn't listened to Zelenka; I'd been too angry and hurt and, betrayed, to listen to Zelenka. Something else that I had in common with Rodney.

I looked around the conference table. It was crowded, too crowded, but a public apology needed to be just that. All the Science Heads were there as were Colonels Sheppard and Caldwell, Ronon and Teyla and Doctors Beckett, Zelenka and Heightmeyer. I would probably need Kate's support after this.

In front of me the screen of my laptop showed the first page of Dr Zelenka's investigation report. The report itself was twenty pages long, but he had summarised his findings on the front page. I knew that everyone in the room had read the report, some had perhaps read bits of it over and over again; I knew I had. I wondered if Rodney had read it, and then dismissed the thought; of course Rodney had read it, it was probably the only reading material he'd had in the Infirmary, recuperating from his burns with a salve from an Athosian recipe. Thank goodness for Teyla and her friends; without the salve Rodney might have been permanently scarred.

I glanced down again at the highlighted text, trying to push down my guilt about Rodney's injuries, but what was written there only intensified my feelings. The words were engraved on my soul.

"Failure of the Arcturus Project was due to a fatal build-up of exotic particles in the power distribution buffers causing a massive and irreversible chain reaction (See Section 1). There were no errors in any of the calculations used to promote the Project (See Section 2). The data collected on Atlantis during the initial test was correct (See Section 3)."

I hadn't been able to understand any of Section 3, or 1 or 2 for that matter, but Dr Zelenka had explained it to me and it boiled down to one thing; essentially Rodney was right. The test should have worked. Everything we had was telling Rodney that the damn thing would _work_. No wonder he had persuaded John to back him up. No wonder I had allowed the test to go ahead; after three weeks I could finally admit to myself that I had _wanted_ the weapon to work, just as much as Rodney or even Caldwell in spite of his threats.

Rodney's only mistake had been his confidence in his own abilities. Most people called that ego; I had called it ego, right to his face as well. But Rodney needed to be confident, we needed Rodney to be confident and I had taken that confidence away. In some ways I wished that Rodney had made a mistake; this would be so much easier if there was something we could point to and say 'That's it, that's what went wrong.' But we couldn't, because in this case it was the damn universe that was wrong and even Dr Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD could only batter against the universe for so long; what was left of the Doranda System was proof of that.

I straightened in my chair as the man himself approached the conference room. I took a moment to look him over; he had lost weight but the burns at the side of his head and over his forehead were almost gone and I was glad of that. I didn't think I could cope if the evidence of my stubbornness had been staring me in the face.

"Rodney, please come in and have a seat." We had left his usual chair free for him despite the fact that people were standing around the walls; I hoped that would set the tone for the meeting, show him that I, we, wanted to make amends.

But Rodney had other ideas; he sneered around the table. "I'm fine where I am, Dr Weir. Besides it is traditional that the condemned man can be seen by all throughout his Show Trial."

Colonel Sheppard stirred beside me, leaning forward, but I put a warning hand on his arm. "Rodney, this is not a trial..."

Rodney interrupted me, "No? Sure looks like it." He gestured to the laptops in front of us. "I'm sure you've all read Dr Zelenka's _Investigation Report_. I congratulate you, Doctor Zelenka, a very clear summation of Project Arcturus. It's good to know that my work has been vindicated by my peers, it's just a shame that my judgement is not good enough."

There was a flash of pain in his eyes then as he glanced at Sheppard; Rodney's eyes have always been a barometer of his soul and in that instant I saw what I should have known would be there; Rodney knew exactly how much damage he had done. And in that moment I realised exactly how much damage I had done, dismissing his explanations as rampant ego.

"Yes, judgement," Rodney continued quietly. "We all have to make judgements here don't we? We make life and death decisions almost every day. And when we can't trust each other..."

"Rodney..." It was Sheppard, but his tone was wrong; it was tight, still angry and Rodney ignored it.

"How is Sergeant Huish, Doctor Parrish? Recovering nicely from that allergic reaction she had on PX4-299? I hope so. It's so annoying isn't it when all your information tells you one thing and yet it's the opposite. By the way did I miss the _investigation_ into that incident? No, of course not, what am I thinking, I'm not in the loop anymore. I don't need to know what is going on in departments that are not my concern, do I Doctor Weir? How's _overseeing _the Science Departments working out for you?" He brushed a hand down the side of his face where even yesterday the burns had still been noticeable.

"Dr McKay," My guilt made my voice sharp, "That's enough."

"Indeed it is," Rodney snarled. He strode forward, reaching in to his jacket pocket. Sheppard tensed beside me and for one insane moment I wondered if Rodney was actually going to draw a gun, but it was just an envelope that he tossed down in front of me. "I think we can all guess what that is. I'll be on the Daedalus when she leaves." With that he turned and made for the doors.

I pushed back my chair, desperate to stop him, "Rodney, I asked you here to apologise to you!"

He turned at the doors, a contemptuous look on his face; I had never felt so small. "I accept your apology with exactly the same spirit that you dealt with mine." And then he was gone, down the stairs and into the nearest transporter.

* * *

"And you disappeared. You went in to that transporter and you never came out. We searched the city for weeks, but we couldn't find you."

McKay looked back and forth between his two friends. He had grown pale during the recital, occasionally rubbing at his head as if trying to dislodge a hard to find thought. At last he spoke up, "Is this a joke?"

"No, Rodney, we wouldn't joke about something like this," Elizabeth said, "You've been missing for three weeks."

"But, but I was right here, in Atlantis, with you all!"

"No, you were in stasis," John explained. "Apparently the Atlantis AI didn't want you to leave."

McKay's head came up sharply, his eyes narrowing. "That's ridiculous! The systems in Atlantis are interactive, yes, but there's no indication of sentience."

Sheppard smiled sadly, "There is now." He remembered Dr Z's request for another search and his tentative reasoning...

* * *

"Colonel Sheppard?"

I glanced up sharply from the search reports. Nearly three weeks and there was still no sign of our missing scientist; plus I had lost half my searchers; we couldn't afford to keep everyone searching Atlantis when we needed supplies and power and allies. Seeing Dr Zelenka in the doorway and recognising his exasperated tone I realised that it wasn't the first time he had called my name and I quickly waved him in.

"Sorry, Dr Zelenka, concentrating too hard. Anything new we can use?"

"I believe so, Colonel."

I straightened pretty quickly at hearing that, a flash of hope spiking through me. "What have you got?"

Zelenka looked uncharacteristically shifty. "I found a very weak energy reading..."

"Life sign?"

"No, it's technological. It is sporadic. Almost as if it is not always there... like a malfunctioning cloak, perhaps."

"Ah, that could explain a few things. Like why we're having so much difficulty finding a person that we know _must_ be here." I tried to use my tone to convey that that was still the only option. We had very quickly eliminated the obvious ways off Atlantis. The Daedalus was still parked beside the East Pier at the time of Rodney's disappearance and its transporters had not been activated, nor were there any ships in our vicinity. The puddlejumpers were all accounted for and none of them were in use, cloaked or otherwise, when Rodney vanished. And no one could hide the Stargate when it was in operation and it hadn't been operated at the time. It was only Kavanaugh who had dared to voice the opinion that McKay had gone in to the water, but even he had to admit that it was impossible for McKay to get from the transporter he had been in to the outside of the city without being picked up on any of the sensors, and the sensors had not been tampered with. We had the original 'locked room' mystery to contend with. Rodney would no doubt have appreciated it, if he hadn't been the subject.

Zelenka was nodding. "Yes, I believe _something_ is cloaked down here." He pointed to the location displayed on his laptop; a remote part of the city, several levels down below the normal habitation areas; and one that we had not yet reached. This was becoming more and more promising. But with limited resources I knew I'd have to have a watertight case to take to Elizabeth if I wanted a full investigation – and I wanted a full investigation. It was the least I could do for my friend; the friend I had shut out after Doranda... but I shut that thought down fast. There would be time enough for apologies when we got Rodney back. I hadn't wanted to go off-world at all but I had finally put my anger to rest while stuck with the proto-ascendees, and that was such a McKay term, but my sense of guilt was still there. Indeed I had hoped to find on my return that Rodney had been found. But instead the months that had passed for me had only been a matter of days on Atlantis and in fact my rescue had taken precedence, something else I had to feel guilty about.

"What makes you think it is Rodney?" I asked, bluntly.

That shifty look was back in Zelenka's eyes. "There are... indications that McKay is still with us."

"Such as?"

"When Major Lorne's team was abducted by Lieutenant Ford we were able to extrapolate their position more quickly than we should have been able to. And when you were in the time dilation field, the calculations and translations again went much more quickly than I would have expected, they were almost intuitive, like McKay."

"You think what? He was monitoring the situation and hacking in to the system?"

Zelenka shrugged, "Is possible."

This all sounded like a hunch based on wishful thinking, but dammit, I needed to check it out. "Would you have been able to get me out of the dilation field without these 'intuitive' calculations?" I asked slowly.

"Eventually, yes. But it would have taken us many more days."

I nodded, "Okay then, gear up. I'll get Elizabeth's permission for another search."

* * *

"And what did you find?" McKay was finding it easier to assimilate what his friends were telling him if he treated it as a story, one that had too many gaps so far. They still hadn't told him exactly why he had wanted to resign – like he ever would. So even while he listened he catalogued everything around him, storing information that would eventually prove or disprove his hypotheses; so far Alternate Universe was the top explanation, but he wasn't ruling out alien interference or concussion.

"We found you." Sheppard's voice sounded relieved. "We found a bank of stasis pods concealed behind a cloaked wall. Zelenka believes that they were used for training purposes. That section appears to have been a secondary security wing. They only had one program; Atlantis. We believe they were used for tactical simulations."

"It should be quite useful for us then."

"Rodney, no one is going in to those pods until we are absolutely sure that it's safe," Elizabeth said, firmly.

"Sure, I wouldn't expect anything else. But why did I end up there? I don't remember finding this place or setting anything up."

"That's because you didn't," Sheppard said grimly.

* * *

The joy and relief at finding McKay was fast tempered by the realisation that we could not release him from stasis. As soon as Zelenka and Simpson had attempted to power down the pod a force field had sprung up isolating it from us. Now Zelenka and Simpson were desperately trying to over ride the field and my patience was wearing thin. I spun around as Elizabeth stepped through the flickering cloak, accompanied by Dr Beckett.

"Any progress?" she asked.

I gestured at the two scientists. "Nope. We can't even scan him."

Beckett carefully lowered his field pack, "Och, I just want to know that he's alright."

I nodded, and then gasped in surprise as the field disappeared. Zelenka blinked, grinned and pushed up his glasses.

"Excellent, Dr Simpson, well done."

Simpson was staring at her tablet in disbelief, "It wasn't anything I did!"

I didn't care how the field had been brought down, I stepped up to the pod – and the field reactivated.

"May be gene activated," muttered Zelenka. I took a hasty step back, but the field remained in place.

"Power fluctuations perhaps," said Simpson, tapping at her tablet.

"Well how am I supposed to check that he's healthy if I can't get close," Beckett demanded in a peeved tone, brandishing a portable medical scanner.

The field deactivated again.

"Okay, that's weird," I breathed.

Zelenka was looking around the room, puzzled, as Carson carefully edged forward to run his scan.

I think we all breathed a sigh of relief as Carson went over his readings and declared, "He's as healthy as he was when he went missing." He frowned, "Although that's not saying much considering his condition before he went missing."

Zelenka was looking at me with a calculating expression. "Radek?"

"Step forward, please, Colonel."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes, please."

Slowly I stepped forward and right on cue the field was back. "Zelenka!"

But Zelenka just motioned me back and got to his feet. "I too would like to check my friend's well-being." He watched the field expectantly and after a few seconds it shimmered away. "Yes!" he clapped his hands.

"Dr Zelenka?" Elizabeth wanted answers, I did too.

Zelenka held up a hand for silence and said, "I believe that the city brought McKay here. Dr Beckett would you activate the hologram for us?"

"But there's no projector in here," I protested.

"That we can see," Zelenka reminded, "Dr Beckett?" he gestured to the room.

"Oh, right," Beckett said nervously and took a step forward, "Um, How?"

"Call her name and give the command to activate."

"Right. Er, Atlantia, activate!"

It took a few seconds, but then the image of the hologram we had found on our first day flickered in front of us. There were a few gasps but Zelenka nodded, pleased.

"Atlantia, why is Dr McKay in the stasis pod?" Zelenka asked.

"The McKay-unit is essential to the continued running of Atlantis. The McKay-unit cannot be allowed to leave Atlantis."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, even putting aside that it appeared as if our kidnapper was the city itself. "So you imprison him, against his will?" I demanded.

The hologram turned to me. "The McKay-unit was in jeopardy. The McKay-unit intended to abandon Atlantis. The McKay-unit is now safe in Atlantis."

"Jeopardy? What jeopardy? We would never hurt him!" I was furious.

"Ah, John?" Oh, it was never good when Elizabeth Weir sounded hesitant. "There was that incident with the heating panels."

Oh, crap, yes. A combination of Kavanaugh's laziness and Elizabeth's short-sightedness and we had almost lost Rodney.

"That, that was an accident."

"The McKay-unit intended to abandon Atlantis."

"We won't let him," Zelenka said quietly.

The hologram focussed on him. "The Zelenka-unit recognised dangers."

Zelenka nodded, "Please, we need Dr, the McKay-unit, working with us."

"The McKay-unit is working with you. The McKay-unit has all real-time data necessary."

"You mean Rodney thinks he's in Atlantis? That everything we go through he goes through?" whispered Beckett.

"Yes."

"That's just cruel." Beckett shook his head.

"The McKay-unit is safe. Increased brain activity, increased endorphin production."

Beckett shook his head, "Good grief, she's saying that Rodney is better off where he is," then he shook his head and his face cleared, "but, he was not well before he went in to stasis. All you have done is suspended any degradation."

"The McKay-unit is safe."

"But for how long?" questioned Elizabeth quickly. "Any malfunction with the device could result in his death and you would not be able to save him."

"The device is safe," said the hologram, slowly.

"For now," I jumped in. "But you know better than we do that the city is not always safe. You might need power and have to shut down the pod, this area might be damaged in an attack, intruders could locate this room, there are all sorts of dangers that you can not anticipate or guard against. You can't keep him here." I hadn't crossed my fingers for a wish since I was a child, but at that moment I was willing the city to let us have McKay back.

* * *

"And it worked, eventually. We were able to persuade the AI that you would be better off in the real Atlantis and she, it, released you from stasis," Elizabeth explained. "We brought you straight to the infirmary so that Carson could treat you. And you're going to be fine." She smiled warmly.

"But I still don't understand why I would leave, why I would resign. I mean Atlantis is my home, it's everything I've ever dreamed of and I have friends here," Rodney sounded so lost as he glanced at Sheppard. "Why would I give all that up?"

But before either of the uncomfortable looking visitors could answer Beckett was there with a smile.

"Okay, the MRI is all set up, one last scan and you should be able to go back to your quarters. Let's go, Rodney."

"But, I want..."

"Later, McKay. We'll come back for the second instalment once you're done." Sheppard was relieved that they wouldn't have to relive Arcturus just yet.

"Okay." Rodney said, sounding a little forlorn. Beckett and the nurse swiftly got the gurney ready to move and then they were away.

"At least he's not yelling yet." Elizabeth commented.

Sheppard blew out his cheeks, "Give him time."

* * *

McKay sat on his bed staring at his hands, thoughts tumbling through his mind. The story that John and Elizabeth had told him in the infirmary had just received very unwelcome confirmation.

Beckett had wanted him to stay in the infirmary overnight but had been 'persuaded' that it wasn't necessary. The Doctor had then tried to insist that he was accompanied back to his quarters and again McKay had to be fairly emphatic with his reasons for why it wasn't necessary. In his own mind he acknowledged that this was a test; that if they did not allow him free movement then they were probably hiding something. In fact he knew they were hiding something. Perhaps Beckett understood some of that since he had finally capitulated and discharged McKay with only a final admonishment to eat well and rest and a reminder that Weir and Sheppard still wanted to finish their conversation.

Making blithe promises to Carson McKay had happily left the doctor and headed straight for his quarters. If this was some elaborate ruse he didn't want to get caught in any compromising places like the weapons lockers, but there were field packs in the back of his closet and he could make do with the equipment stored in them and his spare laptop.

His door had opened at his command and it was as he stepped in to his quarters that he had felt the first jolt. As far as he was concerned he had been in this room only a few hours ago and yet it was not as he had left it. Belongings that he had used this morning were tidied away, the bed was made and there were no used coffee mugs lying around. In particular there was a light sheen of dust on most of the surfaces.

Moving deliberately McKay crossed to his desk and booted up his laptop. There was another nail in the coffin when a diagnostic revealed that this laptop hadn't been used for three weeks, whereas McKay clearly remembered using it this morning in the lab. He accessed the directory looking for the most recent files and found two of immediate interest; one was small, entitled 'Resignation'; no prizes for guessing what that was; and the other a large file entitled simply 'Arcturus'.

McKay gasped at another spike of pain, one hand hovering over the Arcturus file, the other massaging his temple. Why would the Arcturus Project be almost the most recent thing on his laptop? He and Zelenka had both reluctantly decided that the risks involved in restarting the project were too great. Admittedly he had been a bit more reluctant to abandon the project, but John had persuaded him; citing the devastation that surrounded the outpost and the potential dangers to the science team. Rodney had finally agreed and had been given permission to work on the project from Atlantis; if he made progress Elizabeth had agreed to reconsider. But the last few weeks had been busy, what with Major Lorne's team getting kidnapped by Ford and John getting trapped in that time dilation field, he'd been rushed of his feet.

And none of this was getting him closer to understanding what was going on. He opened the file.

Thirty minutes later his head was pounding and his eyes were pricking with tears. And he remembered. He remembered Collins' death, Elizabeth's doubts, Caldwell's encouragement, John's loss of faith in his abilities, even his own bafflement that the test was going wrong, but the one thing he remembered most of all had nothing and yet everything to do with Arcturus. It was on the Aurora when he had asked outright if John trusted him and John had said immediately and without hesitation, 'No'.

After that the memories came tumbling in; his suspension from duty, the investigation, the coldness of his friends, the hurt he had caused, the unpleasantness of dealing with those people who were only too pleased to see him screw up. And through it all, when he had nothing left to distract himself, the confused resentment of how he was being treated. Really how did you judge the destruction of five sixths of a solar system? Was it by territory destroyed? By lives lost? What? And who were they to judge him like this? Had they judged Carson when his 'vaccine' had killed half the population of Hoff? Had they judged Sheppard when he triggered the Wraith years before their time? Had they judged Sumner when he had revealed the existence of Earth? He'd apologized! He was the only one who had apologized, and he'd worked every day to get back some of their friendships, some of their respect, putting up with the sneers, putting up with humdrum maintenance projects he'd been assigned until...

Until?

McKay opened the resignation letter. He winced; it was very clear that this letter had been written by a very bitter and angry man...

"To: Dr Elizabeth Weir, Commander Atlantis Expedition

C.C: General Henry Landry, Stargate Command

Recent events have made it very clear to me that my professional judgement is no longer considered sound. I refuse to contribute further to an expedition that is now run in an incompetent and negligent manner.

Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD."

What was 'incompetent and negligent'? Something else had happened, something that had made him so furious, so hurt...

* * *

I grumbled as I inched my way through an access hatch and in to a short, hexagonal tunnel, the fifth one I'd checked this morning. It was just as well I'd dropped a couple of pounds in the last two weeks since my release from my quarters; otherwise this task would be a lot more uncomfortable.

Kavanaugh was convinced that he had found a new heating system in the city and was eager to test it out. He believed that it was much more efficient than the current system and that we would be able to save power. Well I was always in favour of ways to save our ZPM and so, before Arcturus, I'd allowed Kavanaugh to research the project. It had seemed quite promising until I had discovered two errors in Kavanaugh's calculations. When I also discovered that Kavanaugh hadn't bothered to check the heating plates to see if they were still intact, I'd thrown up my hands in disgust and told Kavanaugh not to come back until he had physically verified that the plates were still there. Kavanaugh had whined that it would take years to check the whole system. In exasperation I had told him to isolate one test area and we could go from there.

Of course then came Arcturus and my spectacular failure as well as the investigation; Radek was due to report any day now; and the heart-breaking loss of my best friend. I hadn't really gone out of the city in the last few weeks; just to Zaddik's planet and that had been a disaster on so many levels, although not solar system destruction level, thankfully. I had hoped that yesterday's mission to the Aurora would help Sheppard and myself regain some equilibrium but instead it had just emphasised the gulf between us and I didn't know what else to do but get back to work.

So here I was, cooped up in a claustrophobic ancient heating system doing something that should have been checked weeks ago, only Kavanaugh was too damn lazy to get off his butt and get his hands dirty. He'd also been making noises about being ready to test the system and since my standing in the labs was currently somewhere below the coffee machine's my objections had been over ruled. Of course it didn't help that I was still technically on probation; Elizabeth had made it clear that I would not get my position back until Zelenka's investigation was completed; even then there had been a heavy implication that full reinstatement was not guaranteed.

I sighed, awkwardly turned on to my back and fished the scanner out of my pocket. Yes, just as I had suspected and just like the others I had checked; although the panels looked intact there were micro fractures running through them. Best case scenario was a loss of efficiency if we tried to use the system, most likely would be further damage to the panels resulting in a system failure. Of course worst case scenario was exponential damage from the system spreading to the surrounding areas; we could have a complete melt down.

I jerked in fright as there was the sound of the hatch lowering and then the clang as it sealed.

"What the...?" I reached for my earpiece, "McKay to Zelenka." There was no response. "Zelenka! Can you hear me?" My heart sank as I realised that the materials that the plates were made with were probably dampening my radio signal. Great, just great.

Cursing under my breath I started to manoeuvre round trying to get to the hatch in the suddenly too narrow space. Oh, when I got back to the labs they were going to get such an earful...

Panting I managed to get turned around onto my front and got ready to drag myself forward. And then I realised that the heat was not just due to my exertion or my claustrophobia, it was coming from the plates. I stared in horror, snatching my hand back as the plates started to heat up in earnest accompanied by a hum of power. They couldn't be doing the test now! They knew I was down here; I'd sent my schedule to Elizabeth! Oh God, I was going to fry! A sudden image of Collins' charred body flashed across my eyes. There was nowhere to go; I could feel my face heating, burning, my hands scorching. This was too long; Collins had died in seconds; I was going to die in excruciating, elongated agony. I pounded on the door, screaming myself hoarse, ignoring the pain in my hands; of course there was no opening mechanism on this side; who would be stupid enough to get trapped in an oven?

Suddenly the hatch slid open and I tumbled forward, scrambling to get away from the opening. As soon as I was clear the hatch slammed shut again. I lay on the corridor floor, panting, tears of pain rolling down my cheeks as I hugged my hands to myself; too afraid to look at the damage.

At last I forced myself to calm down and I struggled to my knees; my balance off without the use of my hands. Slowly I got to my feet and then made my unsteady way down the corridor. I had to find water, cold water. In a city surrounded by the damn stuff and I had to get past four flights of stairs to find a working sink.

Which I did, eventually. My hands were shaking as I doused them in the cold water and that was almost worse than the burning. Swallowing my nausea I turned them over; blisters, cracked and bleeding skin, all of it looking red and raw...

Carson, I needed Carson.

Stumbling, probably going in to shock I made it to inhabited areas of the city. I was quite near the labs and about to turn for the infirmary corridor when I heard cheering. Cheering coming from what had been my lab. Frowning caused my face to hurt even more, but I was drawn to that sound. I stopped in the doorway of the lab, taking in the scene.

Kavanaugh was standing at the bench, a laptop open in front of him, accepting congratulations and hand shakes from the engineers and scientists around him. Zelenka was off to the side, typing furiously at his own laptop, occasionally glancing up at the crowd with irritation.

"Congratulations, Dr Kavanaugh, this system will make quite a difference to our power consumption."

"I know," Kavanaugh said smugly, "It's just as well McKay is on probation otherwise I might never have gotten the go-ahead for this project. What's really made a difference round here is the fact that Dr Weir has confidence in our abilities, something McKay never had. I for one will be recommending that the autonomy of the science departments is maintained, even if Dr Weir decides to reinstate McKay. I think we've proved today that we work much better in this way, without McKay's insulting protocols."

There were nods of agreement around the room and my mounting fury turned ice cold.

I took a step forward into the lab; there were gasps as I entered and quite a few of them took a step back; goodness only knew what I looked like. Out the corner of my eye I could see Zelenka rising from his seat, a look of horror on his face, but I ignored him concentrating all my contempt on Kavanaugh.

"You work better like this?" I hissed, waving a burnt hand in his direction, passed caring about the pain. "This is how you want to work?" I glared around the room. "Ignoring basic lab protocols that you would find in any damn High School! You think you are so far above basic safety measures? Fine. You go ahead and work like this, without my 'insulting protocols'. Half of you will be dead by the end of the week, and the other half won't be far behind." I took another deliberate step forward. "Your test was scheduled for tomorrow. You knew I was checking those heating panels this morning, something incidentally that you couldn't be bothered to do. You knew I was down there and you went ahead anyway. Tell me, _Doctor_, was that just another example of your gross incompetence or was it a deliberate attempt on my life?"

"I didn't know you were down there," Kavanaugh spluttered, "and I had full permission from Dr Weir and it is just ridiculous to suggest that I would ever try to murder anyone, even you!" He'd recovered some of his bluster by the time he'd finished, but I just nodded and turned away.

"Good to know," I said dismissively, "Just your normal gross incompetence then." I turned for the door; I'd had enough of them. Enough of them ignoring me in the labs unless they needed me and even then disputing anything I said, enough of them sniggering behind my back when they could, enough of the snide comments when I wasn't quite out of earshot. Just; enough.

I was almost through the door when I turned back, "Oh and by the way, some of those heating panels are riddled with micro fractures; if you try to initiate the system again you could blow up the city." Then I left, leaving Kavanaugh and quite a few others with stunned expressions.

* * *

McKay shuddered as he remembered the walk to the infirmary; he'd been quite rude to Zelenka and refused his aid. Soldiers and scientists alike had drawn back from him in the corridor; they were either still so mad at him that they didn't want to help him or they were too afraid to come forward when they saw the look on his face. Either reason was fine as McKay had no intention of acknowledging any of them. And then finally within sight of the infirmary there had been Sheppard, rooted to the spot when he caught sight of McKay, Teyla, Ronon and Elizabeth almost bumping in to him. It would have been funny if he hadn't been so passed caring by that point. McKay had ignored them completely.

The next few hours were some of the worst of his life. There was the pain of course, the saline baths, the bandaging. But it had actually been his uniform which caused a minor freak-out. To see that toughened material charred and burnt through in places really drove home to him how lucky he was to be alive.

He'd withdrawn in the infirmary, following Carson's instructions without complaint, refusing visitors and using the time to consider his own actions, as well as others, and his options. Those options abruptly crystallized when Colonel Caldwell brought Zelenka's report on Arcturus to him in the infirmary.

To see in black and white the proof that his theories and calculations were absolutely correct; to have that vindication made public; to show all the doubters that he was right; well, that was certainly something. But his elation was short lived. A man, a colleague had still died and he had almost cost the life of his best friend. That hadn't been Arcturus; that had been him. He could dress it up all he wanted; making sure Collins hadn't died in vain, getting them a power source that would benefit all of mankind, creating a weapon that would wipe out the biggest threat, any threat to their existence, even the accolades of a Nobel Prize, but it didn't change him. And what it came down to in the end was that he had to be _right_. Elizabeth had him pegged; it was his ego that had been damaged by the failed test and it was his ego that had driven him on.

And lying there in the infirmary, this time in self-imposed isolation, Rodney McKay had tried to decide whether he could do what they asked him to do, every damn day, without his self belief.

In the end McKay had realised; it didn't matter if he believed in himself or not; no one on the expedition believed in him anymore. They could put up with his arrogance and insults when it was working for them, but there wasn't enough of him to make up for the lack of those social graces if he was wrong. If it had been Zelenka who had pushed forward and failed, they would not have treated him the way they had treated McKay. But then Zelenka wouldn't have insulted people left, right and centre trying to get the job done. When the experiment failed the others would have _comforted _him instead of berating him, _praised _him for getting as far as he did instead of ignoring him. Of course Zelenka would never have pushed forward in the first place, he was too cautious.

But at some point every scientist had to reach that one decision and go through with it or abandon it; it was the difference between being good and being great. And being great also meant great consequences, both good and bad.

And now he was, possibly, back at square one. The Artificial Reality that Atlantia had created for him, a reality in which his ego was not insurmountable, had shown just how valued and respected he could be. But it was based on a lie. It was based on a Rodney McKay who didn't exist, a Rodney McKay who deferred to others, even when his own instincts were telling him to go on. Could he be that man? Could he trust others to make the big decisions for him?

McKay shook his head. He might have learnt how to do that in time, but not now. Not when their petty jealousies had almost cost him his life. But then hadn't he done the same? Hadn't his ego caused the death of Collins? Hadn't his ego almost cost Sheppard's life?

Yes, and no.

Yes, because he had _believed_ in himself. He would never have put anyone in harm's way without justification, but he was willing to take risks; he had to. And by the nature of the work it would not always be just him that took the risks.

And no, because he was a scientist. It was inevitable that there would be times when he would be a scientist who failed and the consequences of those failures were sometimes almost too much to bear. But he would bear them; he had to. It was the price of science.

They had made it _personal_.

The chime at the door interrupted McKay's relentless thoughts. Sighing again McKay debated whether he could get away with pretending that he wasn't there, but decided there had been too much of that already. He opened the door, not surprised to see Weir and Sheppard standing there. Silently he motioned them in.

"Hey, Rodney, how are you feeling?" Elizabeth asked rather tentatively.

McKay shrugged, failing utterly to put what he was feeling into words, and before they could start to fill in the gaps he held up a hand and said simply, "I remember."

"Oh, well, that's good. Good," said Sheppard.

"Yes, very good," echoed McKay tonelessly.

Sheppard and Weir were eyeing him as if he was going to explode and perhaps he should, but he was suddenly very tired. "Am I still on probation or did you accept my resignation?" he asked as he sat on the bed.

Elizabeth jerked forward, "Rodney I would be delighted to have you back as Chief Science Officer and you have my unreserved apologies for the poor way that I handled the aftermath of the Doranda disaster."

Doranda Disaster; now that was a choice turn of phrase and it brought forth a burning cascade of images on its own.

"Rodney? Rodney, do you not want to come back?" Elizabeth sounded unsure.

"I don't know." McKay said honestly.

"Well look, you can't leave now." Said Sheppard, striving for a light tone, "The Daedalus is still a few weeks out and besides your girlfriend wouldn't be too happy with us if you just upped and left..."

"What girlfriend?"

"Atlantia, remember, she really wants you to stick around. So do we, Rodney, honest, you're part of the team."

"The team." McKay said flatly.

"Sure. It hasn't been the same around here without you."

"So you trust me now?"

"Of course," Sheppard said quickly. Too quickly; it was his 'charm the scientist/superior officer/gun-toting Genii' voice.

McKay just nodded. "Okay; we'll talk more in the morning."

"That's it?"

"Was there anything else?"

"I thought we could go hang out in the mess, or the labs, or maybe have a team movie night, or something." Sheppard finished lamely.

"Maybe later. Carson says I need to rest."

"Oh, okay then. See you tomorrow then?"

"Sure."

Sheppard and Weir exchanged worried glances but they turned together and headed for the door. Then Elizabeth stopped. "No," she said firmly. She turned back and walked purposefully towards McKay. "Last time I made the mistake of leaving you alone, I'm not going to repeat that." She sat herself down beside McKay and gently took his hand. McKay just stared at her, shocked.

"Rodney, I am sorry. I was so angry after Doranda. I was angry at Caldwell for threatening my position, I was angry at John for persuading me to give you another chance, but most of all I was angry at myself for giving in to you all. And I took it out on you. Probably the only person who didn't deserve my anger and I took it out solely on you."

McKay tried to draw back his hand mumbling, "I still failed."

"You're allowed to fail, Rodney. We all are; we're not perfect. I forgot that."

"But Collins is dead."

"Yes," Elizabeth said gravely, "And I know how much that affected you. We all remember the ones we've lost, and we won't forget them. But what we do here is dangerous and we will lose more good people. All we can do is our very best to make sure that we don't lose them unnecessarily," she took a deep breath, "and I forgot that lesson too..."

* * *

I skidded to a halt before I could bump in to the immovable rock that Colonel Sheppard had become, just catching a glimpse of a shambling figure in a scorched uniform heading in to the infirmary.

"Was that?"

"Rodney." The Colonel breathed the name like a prayer.

"What happened?" I demanded, knowing how silly it sounded but not knowing what else to do. I wasn't expecting answers, at least until I could speak to Carson but I got them anyway.

"Stupid! Stupid accident that should never happen!" It was Zelenka striding forward, practically vibrating with anger; anger that was clearly directed at me.

He stopped in front of me, hands planted on his hips and for all that he had to look up to me I still felt like a recalcitrant child receiving a well deserved admonishment.

"You gave Kavanaugh _autonomous_ control of the Heating System Project," Zelenka spat the words, "You did not tell McKay. Kavanaugh brought forward the initial test. McKay was checking the system, _as he told you he would do_."

My anger had begun to rise at the mention of 'autonomous control' for the various science projects. It had been my idea, while the investigation into Arcturus proceeded, to give more control to our experts; after all Rodney often complained about his work load and I certainly fielded more than enough complaints from the scientists that Rodney did not allow them free reign. The Doranda Disaster had been a perfect opportunity to lighten the duties of the Chief Science Officer and encourage the scientists. And Dr Zelenka had already objected to my decision. I was not going to argue the point again.

But as Zelenka continued I felt my ire drain away to be replaced by a guilty horror. I had to admit that I hadn't paid too much attention to the many emails Rodney had sent over the last couple of weeks; the first few I had dismissed as token attempts to get back in my good graces, but even when those stopped and all Rodney included was his schedule, I had just filed them and been glad that he was staying out of my way. And now Zelenka was telling me...

"You mean he was inside the system?"

"Yes."

"But, there should be fail-safes. Why didn't the sensors pick him up?"

"Is 10,000 year old plumbing! Maybe the sensors failed! Maybe there are no fail-safes! We still don't know how he got out!" Zelenka took a step forward and pointed an accusing finger, only just stopping short of poking me in the chest. "Is basic lab safety protocol to inform your superiors when you are working outwith your own lab. When you said that you would do the job of monitoring the science projects I thought that at least you would do that job!" His voice was soft and that was more menacing than if he had shouted. Abruptly he turned away and strode in to the infirmary. I was glad that only Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla had witnessed my humiliation as all of us stood in uncomfortable silence, assimilating what Dr Zelenka had said.

It seemed like ages later, but was probably only a few moments, when Teyla put a soft hand on my arm and said quietly, "We should find out how our friend is doing."

I couldn't speak; I just nodded and allowed the team to lead me into the infirmary.

* * *

"So you see, Rodney, my mistakes were much worse than yours." Elizabeth's voice was soft. "You were right; I was 'incompetent' and 'negligent'. If I had been doing my job properly none of this would have happened." McKay looked as if he was going to say something, but Weir rushed on, "And I don't just mean about not checking people's locations or even giving too much independence to the different departments, I mean the whole thing. I should never have berated you the way I did, it was unprofessional and I should never have treated you the way I did. You are my friend and a valued colleague and I hope that one day you will forgive my mistakes and trust me again, the way I still trust you."

McKay just looked at her in wonderment.

Elizabeth gave him a long moment, but McKay still said nothing. "Rodney? Are you speechless?"

"I think I am," he said finally.

"Hah! I knew it was too good to last!" Sheppard said with a grin, but that faded quickly when McKay's head whipped round and his eyes narrowed, "I mean, it was a joke, McKay, Rodney, I didn't mean..." Sheppard spluttered.

McKay turned back to Weir. "Do you really mean all that," he asked seriously.

"Rodney, I have never been more sincere in my life," Elizabeth said fervently. "Yes, Atlantis needs you, but I do too, the whole expedition needs you. I'm just sorry that it took almost losing you to realise just how much you do for us."

"I see." McKay was quiet, mulling over his options and Weir and Sheppard waited anxiously. At last McKay nodded, "I can forgive you, but on two conditions."

Elizabeth looked wary, "And they are?"

"One, Kavanaugh has to do all his own dirty work."

Weir laughed in relief, "That's a given."

"And two," said McKay very seriously, "Please accept my apology for my behaviour towards you after the test; I too was unprofessional and I can see now how my insistence on going ahead with it must have looked incredibly reckless."

Weir shook her head in relief a small smile playing at her lips, "Thank you, Rodney; I appreciate that more than I can say and I accept your apology." She gave him a quick hug and brushed at her eye, "How about you send the weekly Status Report tomorrow; finding you will be the first item in the report; and then we can catch up?"

"Sure, 1100?"

"Perfect, see you in the control room." She rose patting his shoulder as she left, "Good night, Rodney," she said smiling.

"Good night, Elizabeth." Weir was almost at the door when McKay called out, "Elizabeth?"

She turned back, an eyebrow raised in query, "Yes, Rodney?"

"I can't change that much, Elizabeth. I can't do the things you want me to without pushing the boundaries."

Weir considered then nodded, "Understood. Get some rest, Rodney and I'll see you tomorrow." The door hissed shut behind her.

McKay glanced up at Sheppard who was beginning to fidget and gestured to the desk chair. "Well, that was the easy part compared to us."

Sheppard nodded and took the seat. "You sure you want to do this now?"

McKay shrugged, "If it's okay with you. Carson always says to rip the bandage off quickly."

"Do you want to go first?"

"I went first the last time."

"Yeah, about that... Look I'm sorry for throwing your apology back in your face like that."

"You were entitled."

"I was entitled to be angry; you did nearly get me killed after all; but I wasn't entitled to dangle my trust and friendship in front of you like some kind of reward for being a good little scientist and doing what you were told. That's not what friends do."

"What do friends do then?"

"Friends yell, and they can sulk and if they're twelve they probably swap some kind of stickers for their albums..."

"Hah! And they call me a geek!"

"And then they forget about it and everything's back to normal."

"And when they are older and supposedly wiser?"

Sheppard sighed, "Then they should probably yell for a while, there might be a bit of manly sulking, but then they should probably swap beer and go back to normal."

"Just like that?"

"I think so. I've got 'Molson's'." Sheppard said hopefully.

But McKay wasn't going to let it go that easily, "Can you trust me?" he asked carefully.

Sheppard didn't miss a beat as he said, "If you can trust me."

They stared at each other for a heartbeat, then another, and then together they nodded.

"Okay then," McKay clapped his hands together, "I've got 'Bud', the original. East pier or observation deck?"

"East pier, it's better for the cars."

"Oh no," McKay said as he rummaged in the closet for the last four pack, "I am not mixing beer with the 'Wacky Races' again. It took weeks to dry out Dastardly."

"I said I was sorry, there was a dip in the deck!"

"Dip! You swerved!"

"Well of course I swerved, _after_ Mutley hit the dip!"

"And you call yourself a pilot."

"Hey, don't knock the flyboys."

And while it wasn't quite normal, it was pretty close.

* * *

The next morning was a busy one for McKay. It started off with a final medical exam after which Carson gave him a clean bill of health and declared him fit for duty. That was followed by a team breakfast and McKay made a point of thanking Teyla and Ronon for their efforts during the search for him as well as gifting Teyla with an Ancient 'thing' that had no real purpose but was pretty as a 'thankyou' for making the salve for his burns. Teyla was almost overcome and even Sheppard and Ronon looked surprised, but McKay's awkwardly mumbled, "I can do the friends thing, sometimes," seemed to reassure them.

Then it was up to the control room to get ready for the transmission of the weekly Status Report and then he and Elizabeth could go through all the Science Departments' news. McKay had a feeling that he could be as scathing as he liked.

Of course nothing was easy in the Pegasus Galaxy. Averting disaster, literally by an inch, when he shouted his warning to Chuck before the final symbol for Earth could be keyed in was just the start.

At least they weren't looking for a bomb. But who needed a bomb when the very systems that kept you alive were set to destroy the whole planet?

Wraith Cruisers on the way, evacuation in progress and a cloak that would probably kill them all if they used it.

But, at least they now knew that the Trust operative was in Atlantis right now. If the operative could be identified there was a chance, albeit a slim one, that they could be persuaded to give up the code that would release the Operating System.

Kavanaugh was the prime suspect. According to Weir and Zelenka he had insisted on returning to Earth after the debacle with the heating system. Some members of the Daedalus crew had found his manner 'creepy' and his habit of poking his nose into everything suspicious, but much as he despised the man McKay pointed out that that was just Kavanaugh's way; usually to tell anyone who would listen how he could do the job better.

And now they were talking about 'special measures' to persuade Kavanaugh to talk. McKay couldn't believe it of Kavanaugh. The man frequently precipitated trouble because he wasn't brilliant enough to think through the variables quickly but had the arrogance to follow through anyway; and McKay had a new found sympathy for that particular failing now; and Kavanaugh was a strict adherent of the 'good of the many including me' axiom over any personal sacrifice, but he wasn't a traitor. Kavanaugh had a too high regard for himself; he wanted their recognition, not their condemnation and while he might be vocal in his disparagement of the senior staff he still craved approval.

But thinking of Kavanaugh and the Daedalus crew brought another resurgence of memory. Excitedly he snapped his fingers, interrupting their discussion. "It's Caldwell!"

As one, Sheppard and Weir turned to him in surprise. "You were convinced it was Cadman earlier," Sheppard said mildly.

"Yes, yes, yes," McKay waved dismissively, "that was just prejudice on my part. It's got to be Caldwell."

"Do you have any evidence?" asked Weir.

Was that doubt in her eyes? "Do you have any against Kavanaugh?" McKay challenged.

"His behaviour..."

"Is questionable and often objectionable, I know, I have to work with him, but are you seriously telling me that is enough to sanction torture?" There he'd said the word; he wasn't going to let them hide behind any bland euphemism.

"Why is it Caldwell, Rodney?" At least Sheppard had used his first name.

"This kind of tampering would have taken weeks, maybe months to encode; there's no way that anyone on Atlantis could have done this without getting detected. The only way to do it in safety is to copy the OS, take it far away from here and then return with the altered programming for uploading. Plus you would need a high level of security clearance to do it. That rules out any of us; yes we have the clearance but none of us have had the opportunity. Kavanaugh has had the opportunity, but he doesn't have the clearance. Who else has high level security clearance as well as access to the kind of programmers who could do this type of job?" McKay paused for breath. "Caldwell also tried to persuade me to return to Earth after the, you know, Arcturus Project," he said hesitantly, "he implied that my work on the project wouldn't go to waste."

Weir breathed in sharply at that news, "The Colonel was very anxious to see that project succeed," she said slowly.

"That doesn't make him a traitor," Sheppard said sharply, "I wanted the damn thing to work too."

"Rodney!" Zelenka's panicked shout saved McKay from dwelling on the thought that they still didn't trust him. But even as he ran to the control room, almost knocking down Cadman who was hurrying for the conference room, he had to acknowledge that this was one area in which he was not an expert.

"What is it?"

"The cloak is overloading!"

"We need to shut down some systems!" Out of the corner of his eye McKay registered that the conference room doors were closing, cutting off all sight of the interior.

* * *

Another day, another dollar and another catastrophe avoided. McKay gazed out over the ocean; it really was a beautiful sight.

The Wraith were gone, tricked again into thinking that the city no longer existed. Caldwell was back on the Daedalus, in restraints, while Beckett and Hermiod prepared to remove the Goa'uld parasite from the Colonel. And he'd actually had a non-scientific insight, although he would never ask Ronon or Sheppard how they had retrieved the code from Caldwell.

He turned as footsteps sounded and smiled as Elizabeth joined him. She was carrying a silver pocket watch, twisting its chain rhythmically in her fingers. "Hey," he greeted, "How are you doing?"

Weir shrugged, "I've been better, Rodney. I'm beginning to think I never learn from my mistakes."

"What do you mean?" McKay asked puzzled.

"We crossed a line today, Rodney. You were right; I had no real evidence against Kavanaugh, I let my personal feelings cloud my judgement, again."

McKay sighed. "Different circumstances, different pressures, and you still didn't want to do it, Elizabeth. It was your last option. You need to worry if force ever becomes your first option."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, slid the watch in to her pocket and tucked her arm in his. "When did you learn to be so insightful?" she asked with a little tease in her voice.

McKay raised his chin, adopting what he liked to think of as his 'leader of the galaxy' expression, "I've always been insightful."

Weir chuckled and squeezed his arm. "That you have, Rodney that you have."

They stood in companionable silence looking over the city that was there to fight another day. At last Weir stirred and straightened. "I guess I should get back to work, there's a lot of paperwork generated when the city is saved."

"I guess," McKay grinned, "but it's probably the only good kind of paperwork."

"Yeah," Weir nodded. "Are you coming in?"

McKay took a last look over the water. "Sure, I'll see plenty of ocean tomorrow."

They turned to go inside. "What are you up to tomorrow?" Weir queried.

"In his spare time," McKay said dryly, "Zelenka's had a team repairing the puddlejumper that got shot down. He's ready to test it, but he doesn't like heights and he doesn't like the water. I said I'd take it up, it's the least I can do since he helped rescue me from stasis."

"You gave Teyla a lovely sculpture, you're taking Zelenka's test flight, and you've cheered me up no end, what did you do for John?"

"I let him win at Wacky Races," McKay said smugly.

Elizabeth laughed and teased, "So it wasn't his 'superior hand/eye co-ordination' then?"

"Never!" McKay exclaimed.

Weir shook her head fondly, "Have fun tomorrow, Rodney. Catch you for lunch?"

McKay nodded, "Sounds good. The flight test shouldn't take long. How about 1300 in the mess?"

"I'll be there. See you tomorrow." She headed for her office with a smile.

McKay hummed to himself as he waved goodbye and picked up his laptop. Yes, a nice relaxing test flight, with no running for his life, no-one shooting at him or trying to destroy the city was just what he needed.

The End

Just like to say a big Thank You to leesa perrie and iibnf press for their fantastic catalogues of Post-Trinity fanfic; I'm not even half way through but there's some cracking stories listed. Recommended!


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